The holiday season is in full swing and instead of feeling grateful and focusing on “the reason for the season,” you may be feeling stressed out, worried, and wishing it was over already. Borrowing liberally from our workshop called “Coping with the Holidaze,” here are some do’s and don’ts  for reducing your holiday stress.

Do:

1. Eliminate unnecessary activities. In decorating our family Christmas tree this year, I decided enough was enough and sent a full box of decorations back up to the attic. The tree looks great. I didn’t need to spend another hour adding more decorations. The same goes for other decorating, cleaning, and other things we try to do to achieve “perfection” during the holidays. Focus on what’s important and know “when to say when.”

2. Delegate as much as you can. If you can get your spouse and kids to help decorate, wrap, cook, bake, etc., then get the army moving. If not, it may be well worth it to outsource some things. No one will know you didn’t hang your own lights or bake your own cookies. You don’t have to (and probably can’t) do everything yourself! 

3. Learn to say “NO!” You don’t have to attend every party, give a gift to every relative, or volunteer for every activity at your children’s school or at your office. Choose the activities you really WANT to do and for the others, say, “I’m sorry, I can’t.” For more help learning to say no, check out this blog post from July: Just Say No: Five Steps to Say “No” and Make It Stick

4. Manage children’s expectations and teach them to appreciate what they have. Whether the economy has impacted your family this year or you just don’t want to create spoiled monsters, start early teaching your children that it’s not all about “stuff.” If this means a drastic change from the piles of gifts of years past, prepare them for the “new reality” beforehand.

5. Set a realistic spending budget so you won’t hate yourself in January. Spending more than you can afford at the holidays might make others happy, but you double your stress at the holidays and beyond if you spend more than you should on the gifts you give. Set a budget BEFORE you start shopping and stick to it. Additionally, when you’ve gotten the items on your list STOP SHOPPING– even if that means saying no to friends or handing over the keys and your GPS (pre-programmed to the mall( to those visiting out-of-town relatives. 

Don’t:

1. Don’t try to do it all. At first glance, this is similar to the #1 “do,” however what I mean here is not to try to live up to the television standard of the perfect mother, father, child, boss, coworker, etc. Not everyone has to bake at the holidays. You don’t have to send out holiday cards if you don’t want to.

Several years back I made the decision to stop sending out cards. It was stressful, I didn’t enjoy the process, and half the people on my list were ones who I hadn’t spoken to in years—in other words, we really didn’t have a relationship anymore.

Why was I sending a handwritten card and letter to a person who sent me a card with a mailing label on the front and who didn’t even bother to write ANYTHING inside, not even a signature?

2. Don’t break your family routine. Holiday stress and family squabbles only increase when everyone is tired, over-caffeinated, sugared-up, and hasn’t exercised in weeks. Do the best you can to stay to a “normal” schedule.

3. Don’t add to other people’s stress. Just because you waited to the last minute to try to get 2011′s hottest gift, doesn’t mean you should take out your frustration on others in line, the clerk stocking the shelves, or the person in the parking lot who is taking too long to vacate “your” parking spot. Take a deep breath, count to 10, and focus on the positives in your life and what the season really means to you.

4. Don’t let tradition rule you. Just because mom, dad, or grandparents “always” did certain things certain ways, doesn’t mean you have to continue to do those same things– especially if you don’t want to. Just because my mother always made that green Jell-O mold with carrot shavings, doesn’t mean I had to continue that tradition … and I haven’t.

5.  Don’t underestimate the power of a positive and joyful atmosphere. Attitude is a huge part of what makes the holidays happy. Last year, after much wrangling with a string of icicle lights, I finally convinced my husband it just wasn’t worth spending four hours on a $10 string of lights. After a run to the store to buy a new set, the whole family headed out (after an admonishment from me that we were all going to be happy and have fun hanging lights) and started the process.

When half the lights were hung, I stepped out to the curve to survey the progress … and started laughing hysterically. I called my daughter over to see and she started cracking up. Wondering what was so funny; my husband descended the ladder and joined us, only to find that we couldn’t even see the lights hanging from the roof because our trees had grown just enough from the last year to completely block the view of the lights. Even he had to laugh.

Happy Holidays—and keep everything in perspective!